Oh Zetsu Tree
by 00king.reBOOT
Summary: It's Christmas and well... Akatsuki is celebrating it. Attempted Crack. And also a bit of cussing. No animals, weasels specifically, were harmed in the making of this story. Enjoy :) Not really Christmas now but... PLOT BUNNY.


A/N: Ehi, awesome readers, how ya doin'? I'm being awesome around here as usual :D anyways, DISCLAIMER!

Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto. Because…..Just because

Another A/N: No animals, specifically weasels, were harmed in the making of this story.

* * *

 _Akatsuki Hideout, December 25,_

The Akatsuki members were preparing for Christmas. They were waiting for the clock to strike 12:00 so they could exchange presents with one another. Pein called a meeting (not really a meeting) and told them to gather at the lobby (?).

*:_:* Pein : Oi Zetsu.

{•_°} Zetsu : Hmmm…?

*:_:* Pein : Close your pincer-like things until tomorrow. And don't move

{•_°} Zetsu : Pincer-like Things?

*:_:* Pein : Those things on the side of your head.

{•_°} Zetsu : Oh, you mean these? * points to the things on the side of his head* (sorry I don't really know what those are called :P)

*:_:* Pein : Yes, now just close it and no moving. No more questions.

{•_°} Zetsu : Okay *Closes the things on the side of his head making him look like this {l}

[[Let's all just pretend that Zetsu's Pincer-like things are soundproof making Zetsu kinda deaf and not know about the things happening around him]]

*:_:* Pein : All right everyone else, *faces towards the other Akatsuki members* I want you to decorate Zetsu and make him look like a Christmas tree. Our very own Zetsu tree.

*/_\\* Itachi : Weren't you just lazy to cut down a tr-

*:_:* Pein : Shut up Weasel. As I was saying, the others decorate the plant and the ones left will decorate the room.

•_•* Konan : *facepalms* *mumbles* I think I'm the only one sane in this group.

*:_:* Pein : Now get going! *Disappears off somewhere*

Th Akatsuki members then started working. Deidara was making clay ornaments for the Zetsu tree (Please do remember that they are explosive :D hahaha), Itachi was hanging up the streamers muttering stuff about weasels, Hidan was arguing with Tobi about who gets to put the star on top of Zetsu, Kisame was hanging the Christmas lights on Zetsu, Sasori was cooking the food, while Konan was staring blankly at the others, and Kakuzu was…just being… Kakuzu.

* * *

*Konan Mindscape*

 _What the heck is going on? Seriously. I think I'm the only one sane in this group. I don't even know how these guys are S-rank Criminals. Oh my Gosh. I'm gonna go check on Pein to make sure he's alright._

* * *

*Normal*

When Konan went to check on Pein she found him making party hats with an idiotic grin on his face. PARTY HATS. (You know the cone-shaped one…) Konan then got out there and went to her bedroom staring at the wall. Not moving. Just staring at the wall. After a minute or so, she lies down on her bed and curled up on one side with a grim aura around her. I think they just killed her mentally. Anyways moving on~…

*Back to the others*

*'_'* Hidan : Heh. I'm gonna put the star.

Tobi : What? NO! Tobi wants to put the star!

*'_'* Hidan : Oi, little shit. You're a good boy right?

Tobi : *lights up then turns to Deidara* Tobi's a good boy right!? Senpai!?

Deidara pays him no heed and continued on making explosive ornaments.

*'_'* Hidan : Heh. Whatever. *Puts the star on top of Zetsu.

*TIME SKIP* Brought to you by my _awesomeness._

It was 12:00 already and they were sitting at the table (With the exception of Zetsu and Konan). Pein then brought out the party hats he made and passed it around the table.

*:_:* Pein : Men, put on your party hats.

Everyone else : HAI! *Puts on the party hats their beloved leader gave them*

*TIME SKIP* after eating

Everyone in the Akatsuki (except Zetsu and Konan) gathered around the Zetsu tree and sang while dancing of course…

"Oh Zetsu tree, Oh Zetsu tree, How lovely art thy branches…..yeah…ehehe"

Kisame : Oh Zetsu Tree, oh Zetsu tree, how lovely art thy branches…

Tobi : OH ZETSU TREE, OH ZETSU TREE, HOW LOVELY ART THY BRANCHES *Hyperactive tone*

Kakuzu : …

Pein : Oh Zetsu tree, oh Zetsu tree, how lovely art thy branches... *Monotone*

Sasori : *Reciting not singing* Oh Zetsu tree, oh Zetsu tree how lovely art thy branches.

Hidan : Oh Jashinmas tree, oh Jashinmas tree, how lovely art thy branches…

Itachi : Oh *weasel sound* Zetsu *weasel sound* Tree *weasel sound*, Oh *weasel sound*Zetsu *weasel sound*Tree *weasel sound*, how *weasel sound* lovey *weasel sound* art *weasel sound* thy *weasel sound* branches…

Deidara : Oh Zetsu tree, oh Zetsu tree, how lovely art thy branches, hmm…

As they were all singing Zetsu suddenly pollinated and Deidara being the closest one to him sneezed.

"KATSU! (It's Deidara sneezing, but instead of achoo it's 'katsu' pronounced as 'kats-u')

Now Dear readers… we all know that katsu is to explode or something like that… Oh, and remember the ornaments that Deidara made? Hahaha

Anyways back to the story…

"KATSU"

*BOOM*

* * *

Hey yo, hello again my awesome readers… I'm sorry if it's not that funny, but this is attempted crack. And if you're wondering what the things are before their name, it's their faces. Please don't sue me for what I did to Itachi. Bye :D .


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